A summer of hard things

Saying goodbye to two significant people in my life.

I went to the dentist yesterday, and the hygienist said, “How was your summer?”

And because she is really nice and kind, I didn’t say “Fine” — I said, “Well, our family had Covid, and I got an eye inflammation that I’m still trying to get rid of, and my aunt died before we made it to PEI to see her, and also my friend died.”

My aunt Elaine died in the early morning hours of August 20. She’d been sick with COPD for quite some time, but stayed in her own house with lots of support from Home Care and friends and relatives right up until early August. She was in hospital for about a week and then was moved to a palliative care facility, where she lived only six days. Allison and I had our trip to PEI planned from August 20-28, and I really thought we had enough time. I envisioned seeing Elaine at least a few times and being able to say a proper goodbye. But she died before we even left home.

One of my favourite pictures of my aunt — with me and Allison in 2023, in Elaine’s little kitchen.

At first I wasn’t even sure I wanted to go — but we did, and I’m glad. We stayed at her house and with my brother Alan we ended up doing a lot of organizing and sorting of her clothes, papers, etc. It was a bittersweet time. Elaine had many notes and reminders written in little notebooks and on little scraps of paper. So many pieces of paper! The little things were utter chaos, but the bigger ones were quite well organized. In the ways that mattered, she “had her affairs in order.”

Elaine had a sweet little house in Charlottetown. I will miss seeing her there.

Elaine was devoted to her family. She was unmarried and had no children, so her niece (me) and nephews and their kids were very important to her. So were her friends, of whom she had many. It was good meeting many of them and learning all the various connections, from her participation in a motorcycle club to her work on the hospital auxiliary to her fundraising for kidney disease to her job as an accountant at the electric company. She lived life to the fullest yet accepted the narrowing of her world over the past year or so with contentment — perhaps mainly, as Alan said, because her friends wouldn’t let it get too narrow. I will miss her so much.

My dear friend and mentor Allan Andrews also died the same night as my aunt, in tragic circumstances. He went missing from his home in Canoe Cove, PEI, and was found dead a few hours later after a massive search. Allan was a huge influence on me from when I was a teenager; I was in a group with him called The New Christian Singers, and he always encouraged me in my singing and my faith. He taught me to play guitar and even gave me a guitar, which I still have and use. He was also very well known for the hockey skills camps he developed and ran for many years. So there are many people from all over North America and beyond who can also call Allan a significant influence in their life and growth. I was in PEI at the time of his visiting hours and funeral, so I was grateful to be able to attend those with my brother Lincoln (who had also been in the same singing group).

This is a lovely picture of Allan when he received the Order of Canada, but he’s more familiar to me in a cowboy-style shirt and boots.

Back in 2014 the New Christian Singers had a reunion consisting of several concerts and social events. I remember we were sitting in a back room before the final concert on Sunday morning; Allan was praying, and his voice cracked as he said, “Lord, we will not pass this way again.” I thought of those words as his casket was removed from the church after the funeral, to the sound of bagpipes. He will never again give me a hug and say “You look great, darlin’, and you sound great too.” I will miss him.

We are home again and settling into our fall routine. Jonathan is happily continuing at Extend-a-Family five days a week; just this week alone he went to the Kingston market, to a horse ranch in Odessa, and to a water park, where he seemed to have a special liking for the “lazy river” (hmm, I can relate). And Allison is back to Queen’s, taking three courses. I am trying to get rid of this pesky eye inflammation (uveitis — I’d never heard of it, but I’ve got it). I’ve been feeling kind of tired and irritable and when I told the hygienist yesterday all that had been going on, I realized maybe I had good reason to feel that way.

But it’s been helpful to write it all out. It’s given me a renewed appreciation for family, for significant friendships, for people who’ve helped make me the person I am today. I’m thankful for them.